TEENAGE SUICIDE (DON'T DO IT)

Am I the only girl in 2010 who still has a lady boner for Christian Slater? It's weird to think that he's entering Old Man List territory now. I'll always think of him as supremely creepy yet hot J.D. from Heathers or as the Elvis-obsessed comic book store clerk Clarence from True Romance. Maybe I love him so much because these are two of my favorite movies of all time. It's probably his voice though.

Even though today his face is as Botox-y smooth as Nicole Kidman's, his eyebrow lift left them floating somewhere mid-forehead, and his hairline is just uncalled for, he could still get it. I don't care that he looks like a bloat-faced version of his former self or that he slicks his hair back now (I can't understand why because it couldn't possibly be in an effort to reveal that fucking hairline); I guess these things will happen after you've gotten addicted to coke, grabbed a woman's ass on the street while high, got arrested for sexual assault, brought concealed weapons onto an airplane, then beat your wife. I think the only cool thing he's done in his "old age" is go on Top Gear. I could be the second cool thing. BOOSH.