FREESTYLE

When people ask me if I can swim, I always say no. Technically, I guess, I can prevent myself from dying while in the water, and some might call that being able to swim; however, I don't really count treading water and the ability to do a pitiful interpretation of the doggie paddle as "swimming" per se. 

Despite my utter lack of aptitude, my parents put me on the Chapel Beach Swim Team every fucking year of my childhood. And they sent me to a Silton Swim Camp where in the first week, not only did some kid take a shit on the huge bouncy balls we got to play with during our lunch hour, but I was also promptly and embarrassingly beaten in a race in the pool by a girl with a broken arm. Like she was literally wearing a cast. With a plastic bag taped around it. In the water. And she won. By a lot. Let that sink in for a minute...

Honestly, that was not even a blip on my radar of swim-related trauma compared to having to attempt to compete in swim meets for Chapel. Time and time again they made me swim in front of every kid I knew and all of their cheering, smiling parents. And after every single meet, I'd get an Honorable Mention ribbon. This went on and on for weeks in the summer that I turned 7. One day, after a meet, my mother asked me why I was crying (really mom?). Between breaths I managed to choke out..."Because they...keep...giving me...Horrible Mentions." 

Fuckin' A.

AS AN ARROW

I'm pretty straight, but these are the girls I'd go gay for:

Ugh. In a heartbeat.

Come to think of it, Charlotte, I'd even do your mom (and your dad).

'

My most current insane girl crush. It's unreal how gorgeous she is. She's married to the "snozzberries taste like snozzberries" guy. 

She's had every single dick in rock history, so this one would probably not be a good decision since I generally try and avoid the herp. That and she looks very weathered and crazy now. But back in the day...

Come back from the dead so we can get it on.

Now this one I don't really get. Especially since she looks like she'd Praying Mantis me post-sex and bite my head off.

SWALLOW

So these are some controversial anti-smoking ads being run in France right now. I'm no ho, but they actually make me want to smoke more. Is that bad?

ARIAN BEHZADI

KONG

Gaga wearing a strap-on on the cover of Q. Get it gurl.

"COURTNEY LOVE IS IN DIRE NEED OF ATTENTION RIGHT NOW."

Nobody's Daughter drops April 27th. Apparently it's supposed to be total shit, but who really knows? All I know is it's Courtney Love, and even if it blows it'll be entertaining. At the very least, we can always count on her for that.

I remember one time I read an interview with her from a British (or maybe French?) magazine from a few years ago where she essentially just made the reporter follow her around while she stomped around in the street flashing people then took them to watch her get her anus bleached. I wish more than ANYTHING that I could find a link to this...

AND:

This is still so badass. Who would throw a compact at Madonna's head besides Courtney Love?

WALEE

Amazing.

PUFF PUFF

Ann Craven.

RO YEZ

Whistler.

DREAM WEAVER

Mark Weaver. Graphic designer from Boston. 

HOOCHIE LOOKIN FRESCA

On the street, I only get hit on when I'm in my work attire. I realized that today.

Any catcall or creepy, under-the-breath-mumble comes when I'm working it business casual. I must just look like shit at all other times. My penchant for ugly boots and not combing my hair doesn't really bring the boys to the yard. Unless they're the drunk kids wiping PBR foam out of their mustaches in dive bars. SHIT'S TIRED.

CHOCOLATE CANDY, JESUS CHRIST

Anastasia Cazabon understands.

GENESIS BREYER P-ORRIDGE

Valentine's Day marked the seventh anniversary of the decision made by Genesis P-Orridge's SELF (GPO) and the late Lady Jaye's SELF to go public with their PANDROGENY project by getting matching breast implants. This husband and wife team chose to live as one entity called Genesis Breyer P-Orridge and to get loads of painful plastic surgery in an effort to appear identical. GANG. STER. Breyer P-Orridge's dedication to doing the weirdest shit EVER simply for the sake of art is UNREAL. You love your wife so much you want her tits on your body? Like attached to your torso? 

I kid though because honestly, it was less about love and more about their transgressive views on transsexuality and gender variant activism. But whatevs. Breyer P-Orridge's strong belief that art is truly inseparable from daily life brought their SELVES to commit to this project as a way of fucking with what s/he feels is the fictional notion of the self and of gender constraints.

After Lady Jaye's passing, GPO has still continued to alter "their" body to look more like Lady Jaye, and on V-Day had Jaye's eyebrows and facial birthmarks tattooed on as tribute. 

GPO was famous for a ton of other art & music sheeeit before this project was started in the '90's. Read about it someplace else. Too lazy to type. I'm still recovering from the past few days. BUT trust me. It's dope. 

GPO also has a show at Renwick Gallery with Daniel Albrigo that's going on until the 22nd. It's called Putting Your Money Where Your Mouth Is...A LOVE STORY. The exhibition gets its title from another project GPO did where s/he had all of h/er teeth removed, cast in gold, and then replaced. There is absolutely nothing more dedicated and absurd and amazing.

The above paragraphs sound straight dumb. I'm still a corpse from this weekend. Incapable of making sense. Someone make me tea and bring me Advil.

ODD COUPLES

Perfection.

Larry looking like a creature.

SO MAYBE YOU'RE NOT SO FUCKING SPECIAL

"A man without a mustache is rather like a woman with one." - Nick Cave

My inspiration for tonight:

DEMONIC HOUSECAT

HOUSE. This 1977 Nobuhiko Obayashi film described as being "part psychedelic ghost yarn, part stream-of-consciousness bedtime story, part Scooby Doo by way of Dario Argento" is playing at IFC this week. Bloodthirsty pianos are involved. I'm so there.

via ifccenter.com

ON A LATE NIGHT CREEP

All I've been listening to today:

Nice sunglasses.

LITTLE WORM

  Done with this.

"Maybe, Stargell, I think, this time you'll get to use the oxygen they're always promising. Then we'd feel that incandescence, all of us sucking at the yellow mask, staring at one another, our eyes popping with expectation, waiting for the blast of arctic air, the fun-house spin. You'd feel the blood jump then, Jack. That's when you'd know your skin was filled with magic."

 Excited for this.

CHURCH

"My Way All Day," Eric Elms

"Johanna had that day told me about her new philosophy of living which was, what would a man do? Which is kind of like about confidence, something that's about...you know, living your life not apologizing for existing or for being right. And demanding what you deserve." - JD Samson

TEENAGE SUICIDE (DON'T DO IT)

Am I the only girl in 2010 who still has a lady boner for Christian Slater? It's weird to think that he's entering Old Man List territory now. I'll always think of him as supremely creepy yet hot J.D. from Heathers or as the Elvis-obsessed comic book store clerk Clarence from True Romance. Maybe I love him so much because these are two of my favorite movies of all time. It's probably his voice though.

Even though today his face is as Botox-y smooth as Nicole Kidman's, his eyebrow lift left them floating somewhere mid-forehead, and his hairline is just uncalled for, he could still get it. I don't care that he looks like a bloat-faced version of his former self or that he slicks his hair back now (I can't understand why because it couldn't possibly be in an effort to reveal that fucking hairline); I guess these things will happen after you've gotten addicted to coke, grabbed a woman's ass on the street while high, got arrested for sexual assault, brought concealed weapons onto an airplane, then beat your wife. I think the only cool thing he's done in his "old age" is go on Top Gear. I could be the second cool thing. BOOSH.

OCTOBER 31, 2010

100% what I will be wearing next Halloween.

BROTHER WOLF

Amy Ross' new series of works on paper. She carries on the same theme from her earlier works--the idea of splicing together the genes of two different creatures to create imaginative hybrids. I like all her old mushroom/bird stuff too. You can see it all on amyross.com.

 

This one kind of reminds me of a Rat King, but made of wolves. 

ADOBE SLATS FOR MY BOYS

I'm a sucker for covers sung by pretty-voiced ladies.

BIRDMAN SAYS...

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOON.

GONZO DEE DEE

This was my jam back in the day. The opening is even better than I remembered.

We loved this shit so hard when we were little that my brother even (partly) named his hermit crab after Gonzo. The other half of the name was after our housekeeper/second mom.

I remember once I bit my brother during bath time, and my punishment was the worst, most twisted thing my mother could've possibly ever inflicted on her eldest child. Not only was I not allowed to watch the Muppet Babies that night, but I had to sit in the kitchen while it was on. The kitchen, being just off of the living room in my old house, afforded me the ability to hear the entirety of my favorite show (and really, at 5 years old what else is there to live for besides your favorite show/toy/food?) as it continued on for a half hour without me. I couldn't even hear it that clearly. I remember straining to make out what they were saying. My little brain was probably trying to picture what was happening on the screen, too. I was essentially made to torture myself. Thanks mom.

CERAMIC

All of these are from the New Museum Store. I spent an hour today making an absurdly long wishlist on their site. 

 The Antonio Murado Salome Coffee Set. Maybe I'm a little fucked up for wanting this, but I do. So. Fucking. Badly. I could use it while entertaining high class serial killers. I say "high class" because it's $500 (translation: I will never own this).

 I have a weird thing for salt and pepper shakers. We've got a few pairs in our apartment, but none as cool as this. Someone says "pass the salt," and you get to hand them a shaker that says cocaine. Okay...that sounds pretty lame. Whatever. They look cool. Lemme alone.

 There is no one more amazing on this planet than John Waters. That is indisputable, undeniable fact. If you say otherwise, you're just plain wrong. I think it has something to do with the mustache. If I met him, I'd definitely ask to touch it. Anyway, he did these plates and they're sick. I'd hang them on my wall and never let anyone touch them ever, let alone eat off of them. Alas, that is but a dream since priced at $700 for the set, these plates are yet another thing I'll never own.

WAFFLES AND ICE CREAM

Checked out some new arrivals on Opening Ceremony's website today. Imagine my surprise when I came across this little beauty by G.V.G.V.

Looks like I'll be looking more like my favorite boardwalk denizen in no time.